thinking you’re old but realizing that you. are. not.
yes
(Source: sciencefiction)
sometimes I stop feeling
at all
like my whole body has been Novocained
so numb a knife’s edge
wouldn’t make a difference
it happens at the strangest times
like when I’m taking a shower
making breakfast
formatting spreadsheets
usually it’ll last a few minutes
but sometime hours
once it was three days of nothing
so bad that I contemplated
peeling off that outermost layer of skin
slowly, like a sticker
careful to keep it in one piece
revealing the new fresh layer
then I could feel things like no one’s ever dreamed
particles of dust landing on me
or
someone breathing across the room
but
imagine the feel of jeans
a wool blanket
so I stopped myself.
Sometimes I can feel the weight of time settling into me. I’ll become aware of it sharply, tearfully, almost painfully. Like an older version of myself has come to visit my body and look back on that far away youth now drifting out of memory. And suddenly I can see how young we all are, past childhood but still untouched by what will cause the wrinkles and the divorces. We are only in the shallow end, but I kind of wish I could stay.
looking closer
he realized,
magic was dead
there was always something
behind that curtain
right when you wanted
to believe.
he started to see
sewage in everything,
the shit kept hidden
the dirty made pretty.
so he tore up the flowers
called himself
beauty destroyer,
truth revealer.
shut your wide eyes,
he’d tell them.
there’s nothing there.